Hungry? Why Wait?

I recently had an interesting conversation with a girl I know. The topic of discussion came up about sex, and why Christian guys see it necessary to wait until marriage. I wanted to write about it from a 23-year-old man’s perspective who has decided to wait until marriage to have sexual relations. The best way I know how to approach this topic is from my own perspective, so, as you usually are, please be patient with me as I explain.

Please let me preface this by saying that I am not perfect. I have been able to stay a virgin but have put myself in precarious positions that have been difficult. I cannot imagine what my life or past relationships would have been like if sexual things were involved. I know that this conversations is two-fold. As my friend and I addressed the topic, we dove into the multitude of differences between our thoughts on this topic. She had things to say like, why would I wait? If you have had it, you would know! To which I would probably agree.

My reaction to her thoughts was simple. I left God out of it (even though He is the one that created it!). I left my morals and faith out of it (even though I hold as strongly to those as I possibly can). I replied simply with this thought:

“Let us pretend that you are in a relationship with a guy like me,” I told her as she blushed at the idea. “Let us pretend that our relationship is built around a couple of core things: the first is communication, you never need to be mad at me because you know what I am thinking; the second is love, me loving you simply because of who you are and not what I can get from you; and third is trust, you never have to wonder who is number one. How does that sound?”

Sex can potentially disrupt communication if done in the wrong way. People who rely on having sex as opposed to discussing the issues that are most definitely coming up in a relationship no matter who you are, are in for a rude awakening when the sex loses its intimacy. Suddenly the goal is to sex away the issues, and just because you are engaging in sex, does not mean you are working out the issue, no pun intended.

And what about love? Is love not supposed to be a selfless act? Putting others before yourself and giving more than receiving? I realize some people may get into a joke about “giving” but I request that you refrain and think about it. If talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words, does it not make more sense that holding out for the woman you eventually marry will speak more volume than giving to any woman your with (if you are married, you should be engaging. I am speaking mainly to singles)? I think that waiting for sex is the ultimate testament of love. Let me make a case for everyone who may have not shared this viewpoint, or possibly made a mistake in your past; it is not too late to start holding out for your future husband or wife. Write a vow to them, and make a commitment to them right now; I guarantee it will go a long way.

The last issue we discussed was the idea of trust. After you are married, if your husband is working with a girl who was hired, and she happens to be cute, is it not true that you will not have to worry about trusting your husband in that position? The reason why is because in your husband’s day, he has passed up a lot of pretty girls to eventually be with the one who is solely beautiful in his mind, and that is his wife. Or if your wife happens to go to the gym to work out, and there is a trainer that is helping her. Knowing she waited for you in light of all the guys in her life, there will not be a lack of trust, because you recall that you are her only one.

I realize that this is not the way most people think about the issue of sex. “Sex is just sex, do not make it more than that” is what I often hear. But if God created something that is supposed to provide the binding intimacy for a married couple, I cannot sit back and say to myself that “sex is just sex”. I think it is more than that. And by waiting for my wife to have sex, I am saying to her, regardless of all that I could have done for me, I put you first.

I think it matters, and thought it was worth sharing.
——————
Food for thought: I am not perfect, and I know that no one is. But would it not be awesome to stand across from your spouse on your wedding day and tell them something like this: “I know I am not perfect, and I know no one is, but as of [this date you are reading] I challenged myself to put you first and withheld from things that would have denied that goal. And for this reason, I can say, that I have waited to have sex with you.”

Regardless of your past, personal beliefs and possible mishaps, with the world’s divorce rates soaring, would that not be cool to be one of the minority that made it? To be one of the few relationships that put the other person before themselves and made it through the hard things because you built up a relationship based upon communication, love and trust? Think about it at the very least.