We’ve all heard the song. Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends? It’s a great question.
For the last 10 years I’ve been observing the student culture within our American culture and specifically observing students whom I believe God has led me to lead and this truth comes up every single time: Your friends will determine the quality and direction of your life. This is why we can’t be friends. I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry.
I get the terrible position and opportunity to observe students who make mistakes because they fear leaving friends or friend groups that in reality they will not talk to in 10-15 years from now. Every student looks at me the same way when I offer advice on their decisions. I say something along the lines of “have you noticed any similarities with your decisions and those of the people you hang out with?” They reply with silence, or occasionally I get the “I guess so” answer. Then I suggest maybe talking to their friend group about not doing that anymore. This is when I get the look that says “oh yeah right, good luck with that”.
I usually ask if they have even tried it. Have you ever tried talking to them about doing other stuff that doesn’t involve you getting into trouble with the law, or potentially facing consequences that you’ll regret in 10 years and the answe is usually no. Then I ask the question, do you think, maybe, it’s time to find another friend group? It’s like I kicked them in the shin.
I don’t understand why you would continue to hang out with people whom you could not even talk to about your disapproval of what is going on within the friend group. With friends like that who are so “accepting” it sure seems like they aren’t very welcoming or accepting at all. So if they aren’t going to benefit you, why continue to hang out with them?
It’s not easy, but if your friends will determine the quality and direction of your life you need to ask the question “is that direction the direction I want to go in?” If not, it’s time to jump ship.
As parents, mentors, older folks, people with some life experience and adults we need to lead the next generation into making decisions based upon their future as opposed to decisions based upon their present. Anyone with regret probably didn’t get there by hanging out with the right people, almost every story about regret I have heard starts with “I was hanging with the wrong crowd…”
I believe that your friends will determine the quality and direction of your life. This is why, if you’re doing things that are contrary to helping the quality and direction of my life, despite my enjoyment or love for you, we cannot be friends. I’m sorry you’re upset, but I’m not sorry about my decision.
leadershape 