There are a couple of things I have been wrapping my head around lately. I will take some time over the next little bit to discuss some of those. Today, I will choose the relational world.
I have worked with singles for the past couple of years as a mentor, ministry leader, youth leader…etc. I am not necessarily an expert on being married, as I was only married June 15, 2012, but I have found that my relationship with my wife is great because my relationship with her as my girlfriend was so pure. This is what I mean.
Before I met my wife, I sent myself on what I like to call a journey. This is not something I have been shy about telling people in the past. What I told myself was simple, my journey needed to happen because I was in a position where I was putting me first in my relationships, and what is scary about the situation is I did not even know who the “me” was in that statement. So I vowed to my future wife to stop doing the things that were deteriorating my concept of women and to start to fix my eyes on my issues and dealing with my insecurities through disciplined pursuit of a relationship with Jesus.
What I did not know at the time is I was doing something that I believe every single should be doing before they find themselves meeting their future spouses. I was preparing myself to becoming a person worth looking for. I was working on becoming the right one, not working on finding the right one.
This is what I know about you, because it is true about me, there is a tendency to look into the mirror and see a stranger looking back at us. There is a tendency for us to try to let our promises, commitments and desires, all of which are good things, drive our relationships. However, just because you made a promise, commitment or had a good desire does not mean that you possess the ability to follow up with those things. There needs to be a time of becoming. There needs to be a time where you start to gain the ability to follow through with those promises, where your heart matches your commitments and where your desires are pure.
So I have come up with some rules to help you.
1. You need to find out who you are and what you are bringing to the table before you start to court or date. If you do not know who you are, how do you know who you are looking for?
2. I know this is old fashioned, but I have seen this played out in my own relationships; you need to make sure you post-pone the physical as long as possible. Do this, and you will start to build intimacy without relying on a catalyst for that intimacy.
3. You need to take 6 months off of dating anyone. Some of you need a year.
4. You need to define the relationship before you get into it. Write it down. Stick to it.
5. You need to remember that your dating relationship is the story you will tell to people who ask “how did you two meet” or your kids someday ask “what was dating like for you”. Trust me, you want to be able to tell the whole story.
6. Quit looking. It will come to you.
WOMEN: Quit putting up with guys that treat you like you are a possession or commodity. Do not stand for it. Guys like that are not worth pursuing and you cannot change them. Having said that, you will catch what you are dressing to catch.
MEN: If you are not being a gentlemen, like the “old times”, you are not worth the pursuit. Women worth courting do not want a womanizer, they want a man who will take care of them and put them first. They want someone they can trust. If you are not trustworthy… get to work on that.
The list can go on and on… Check out the rules… try to start there and if this does not work, you can even tell me. However, I cannot be convinced otherwise, but at least you can share your opinion.
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food for thought: This works if done right… there are more things to say about it; but start here. Would you not want your future spouse to be someone that did this? You owe it to yourself to try.
leadershape 