There are a couple of truths that I have committed to my world of knowledge (what little I have). One of those truths is simply that there is a right and wrong way to do almost everything. Some things have no boundaries. You can build a sandcastle any way you want. You eat milk and cookies any way you want (even though we all know that dunking the cookie is a barbarian way to do it). You can understand my point here. There are some things that do not matter in the realm of how you do it. There are other things, however, that do matter in how you approach it. Your jump shot has to have mechanics that will allow a basketball to get over the rim. You have to pay for the gasoline that you purchase at the gas station.
Today I am focused on one of those things that I have learned over the years, has a right way. This is my opinion, and I am making that very clear up front.
When you approach someone, there are a couple of ways to do it. In a world that is becoming far more passive aggressive, I maintain my viewpoint that is often times considered old-fashioned. We need to stop relying on technology to handle our hard confrontations. The first thing is this, if you can help it, avoid technology at all costs. Things often go a lot smoother if you have a face-to-face conversation with someone. I am not saying that this can happen in every case, but I assure you it goes smoother. I take to account some of the very difficult conversations I have had to have with some young men that I mentored in college. One of which was a very confrontational conversation. I wanted to make sure that this individual could hear the love in my voice as I disagreed with certain things he was doing. I met up with him and we talked about it. This brings me to my second point, but I want to finish the first. If you can help it, get rid of texting out issues, or doing the Facebook thing. Get in there and let them know you care in person. My second point is this, do not beat around the bush. This may take some time to understand and get used to. Hopefully it is always awkward. Sometimes just doing a little, “let me get it all out there because I do not know how else to say it and I need to know what is going on”, works. Sometimes it works really well. Remember, in most cases, these individuals are not going to see it coming. Come to them in love. Make sure that you come to them with a healthy heart and a rough idea of what you want to say, and why you want to say it. Some people write it down, I do not. Make sure what you are saying is true. Give the person a chance to defend themselves before you assume that it is all their fault. Maybe they do not actually realize they are going about something or that it offends you.
So we have confrontation as a right and wrong categorical situation. I would also say forgiveness is a right and wrong sort of situation as well.
Forgiving someone is hard. Especially if that individual did something to cause you hurt in a serious way. I have known some people who are great at forgiveness. There are others that are not so great. This is something to write about. Forgiveness always needs to be done before an individual can move on. Forgiveness is the catalyst of progress in a confrontational situation. There is a right and wrong way to do it. First you have to wrestle with you. You have to argue with yourself. Did they tell you any truth in their confrontation with you? Is there truth to it? A wise person will pick out the truth and separate that from the false. Did the confrontation catch you off guard? If it did, you may be a little more hard-hearted than if you saw it coming. You will then wrestle with forgiving them. You will wrestle with, well they hurt me, or they do not even know, or they assumed this or they assumed that. Let it go. I assure you there are far greater things to devote your energy to. I say this from experience. Nine times out of ten, they do not even know you are still angry.
Forgiveness needs to be done in person if it is possible. There are definitely cases where it is not possible. In these cases, I actually really enjoy the concept of the email, or Facebook note. Make sure you think it out. make sure you take your time. Fully forgive them. Let them know. Tell them, even though they may have no idea that they wronged you in the first place.
There is a lot more that I have in my head on this subject, but at times, I think it is cloudy and that there are gray areas. I think mostly though, there is a right and wrong way. Confrontations need to be done over a forum that allows you to express your complete thought. In person, call, or even email are good ways to do so. Texting, facebook, and random other things to get a point across are not a great idea.
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