1. Commit

Background work is always necessary as you start to get to the place where you realize a journey is necessary. For me, my journey became evident in the middle of math class when the girl I was dating at the time (not anymore) asked me a very simple question. She asked me “why are you with me?”. As a Christian, you love to say something like, because of your overwhelming faith in Christ or because you keep me grounded in Christ. The truth however, was much more invasive. If I could answer that question in complete honesty at the time, I probably would have answered like this (no harm intended here): “I am with you because it is safe. I have friends that are better at their walks with Christ, but I do not want that because I am afraid of giving what I cannot keep to gain what I cannot lose. I want control and even though I am not directly controlling you, I have control of this relationship as long as I do not give it to God.” Tough day.

Within the next 20 minutes there was a swell of guilt and frustration and anxiety coming over me and I had no idea what to do with it. It was simply that there was something inside of me saying this: I am worth it. Imagine your dismay when you are sitting in class and have a feeling like someone is whispering this phrase in your ear. Imagine further that this made you feel like the only way to follow it is to break up with the girl who has done nothing wrong. I did not choose to answer the question the first time it was asked but I did choose to answer it after class was over. Without her doing anything wrong at all, I decided I needed to take some time and explore this Jesus character that I seemed to be trying to push out of my world, or at least out of the control part of my world. I remember the phone call I made after class. I tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with her, I just knew that I needed to do what I needed to do. She asked if she could help, unfortunately, when you are searching for God, you cannot do that with someone. If you search to know Jesus in your own personal way, and you do that with someone, you do not know YOUR OWN Jesus. You know a hybrid-Jesus. If you are married, this is not really that big of an issue. If you are single, you have the time to explore it for yourself and can become an issue if you do not take it seriously. I broke up with my girlfriend at the time and set out on this journey. 

My mind thought in this way: I am young, I am single, but I am not alive, I am not on fire. I need to decide now. I am going to give Jesus 6 months, I figured that was the most I could do. I actually even prayed to Jesus something like “you have 6 months to show me your love in a real way and I am trusting you with my future that you will lead me to the right woman eventually”. Six months seemed generous, but I knew I had to give it a shot. Keep in mind I grew up in a Christian home with great, loving parents and family. I needed to know for me. So 6 months was the target. Before anything began, I had to commit to it. I had to relinquish my world of anything that would hold me back from this journey. Obviously, my girlfriend at the time would have held me back.

I bring up Commitment because for the first month, I did not commit. I was round and about. I dabbled in God’s word but never read it. I listened to a message here and there. On May 29, 2009, I was looking in the mirror wondering who I was becoming. I already shared about my world spiralling out of control a little bit in an earlier post. That was the day I committed. I committed by doing 2 things. I wrote a vow to my wife basically putting out there for everyone and anyone who came in my room to see the BIGGEST struggle or obstacle in my life: girls. I put the vows by my computer to avoid temptations, and I posted them in plain sight to avoid confusion. Then, I committed.

In a journey like the one I will describe over the next couple of posts, you have to ask yourself the simple questions. 1. Am I willing to let God take my life and mold me? 2. Do I know what that entails? 3. Am I committed to becoming a better person in Christ? 4. Am I committed to becoming in complete love with my Savior (this can actually be a scary thing if you really think about it)

Are you committed?

The journey I went on went something like this. May 29, 2009 I wrote my vows and signed my life over to whatever would happen and told Jesus 6 months (again). May 30, 2009, my world was flipped upside down and my closest friends began to disappear from my sight. God stripped my world so it was 1-on-1 time. A lot happened in the journey, but commitment was the first step to taking it.
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I challenge you, if you have not done so already, to take a journey of faith. I know it seems extreme, but I am an extreme guy at times. Breaking up with a girl who is great? Why would I do that? Because if you really want to live, you will let anything that keeps you from doing so die. How to do that is not to be shared until the Create post.

I forgot to mention as well, my entire journey was sparked by a question from a girl, but also a series from a pastor. Andy Stanley’s Best Decision Ever series is available on Itunes for free. Check it out via podcast. It will change your thinking and possibly your life.